Do you think Death could possibly be a boat?
Or perhaps Death isn’t.
Maybe Death is the ultimate negative,
not-being, and you can’t not-be on a boat.
Though I’ve frequently not been on boats.
Or rather, been not on boats.

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Edit: v2 for missing fonts and chapters. Patch.
Edit 2: Patch missing patch. Patch v2.

The Causes and Effects of Eighth-Grade Syndrome Throughout History

fotc (Mazui Subs, Unlimited Translation Works)

10  The Origins of Religion

Religion has drastically shaped the whole of human psychology, culture, and history. Its uses are endless, from providing an all-purpose answer to the questions of life, to relieving the fear of death, to justifying murder and war. The whole of human experience is shaped by religion, if not by a personal faith in some dogma, then by interactions with individuals who do have faith in some dogma. Thus, by virtue of cause and effect, if religion is a symptom of eighth-grade syndrome, then the effects of eighth-grade syndrome throughout history are immeasurable. This is precisely the case, and so eighth-grade syndrome stands as one of the most powerful forces which has shaped human history.

A  Basis

As discussed in previous sections, cases of eighth-grade syndrome typically evolve by way of triggers, with the sufferer assimilating each new trigger into his or her case. For supernatural power-type cases, these triggers tend to be of a magical, spiritual, mythological, cosmological, or religious nature. Typical examples include Wiccan practices, Norse mythology and cosmology, the teachings of Aleister Crowley, the teachings of Silver Birch, and Abrahamic celestial hierarchy. Some triggers are exceedingly common, that is, they hold strong influence over and often dominate the imaginary worlds of most supernatural power-type cases. The commonness of such triggers indicates that something about the world described by these triggers are attractive to all sufferers.

Many cases of supernatural power-type cases create their own imaginary worlds which are unlike those of other cases. Often, these worlds and the laws which govern them are extremely elaborate, including the creation of new languages. The Voynich Manuscript, discussed in section 6, is a prominent example of such an occurrence.

It is only a small logical step, then, to state that all religions originated from strong cases of supernatural power-type eighth-grade syndrome. The originators of these religions imagined their own worlds, took on the peculiar yet common behaviors of such a case, and spread their ideas to their communities, which eventually came to regard these ideas as fact.

B  Example: The Abrahamic Religions

The Abrahamic religions provide a plethora of examples of eighth-grade syndrome as the origin of religion. In this section, three will be discussed.

The first Abrahamic religion, Judaism, is said to originate from a decision by a man named Abraham (for whom this family of religions is named) to worship a mountain god, rather than the moon god Nanna Sin, likely caused by a desire to be different from others. It later adopted a monotheistic and dualistic perspective, that there exists only one supreme and transcendent god, after its interactions with Zoroastrianism, the earliest known dualistic religion. In these interactions, Judaism also adopted other elements of Zoroastrianism, such as its angelic hierarchy, in a case of nearly complete trigger assimilation.

The birth of Christianity revolves around the birth, teaching, and death of a man named Jesus who called himself the son of a god and a messiah sent to free an entire people. (Historians believe that this man is actually an amalgamation of many people who claimed to be such messiahs around the same time, showing the commonness of this trigger, particularly in the aforementioned people during the aforementioned time.) The idea that one is a supernatural being or descended from a supernatural being is a common conception among supernatural power-type cases, and so this man was (or men were) suffering from a popular case of eighth-grade syndrome. Christianity carries over many things from Judaism, including monotheism, dualism, and the angelic hierarchy, but adds on the concept of infinite universal love and forgiveness, which is also a common conception in eighth-grade syndrome cases.

Islam was founded by a man named Mohammed, based on the previous Abrahamic religions of Judaism and Christianity, and includes all concepts of both, but adds on an extensive system of political governance and demands strict adherence to the code of religious law. The founding event of this religion is a purported visit of Mohammed by an angel, which revealed to him the words of the Abrahamic god. Needless to say, the delivery of sacred messages from supernatural beings is a typical eighth-grade syndrome conception.

Thus, it is clear that all of the the Abrahamic religions have originated from cases of eighth-grade syndrome. Because these three religions make up about two-thirds of the world population and have caused many of the greatest upheavals in history, such as wars and outbreaks of disease, eighth-grade syndrome is likely one of the most powerful forces which has shaped history.

The Causes and Effects of Eighth-Grade Syndrome Throughout History by fotc is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Research was funded in part by FFF Fansubs.

See if you can name her without looking her name up.
Mouse over image for answer.

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I remembered her name. And the green-haired one’s, too. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten.
If you did forget, buy some BDs.
If you remembered, buy some BDs.
If you didn’t even care to guess, buy some BDs.
If you read this post, buy some BDs.
If you didn’t read this post, buy some BDs.

Another week, another episode of Samurai Master Cento.

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The Causes and Effects of Eighth-Grade Syndrome Throughout History

fotc (Mazui Subs, Unlimited Translation Works)

9  International Anime Fans, Particularly Those Who Watch “Fansubs”

This subclass of subculture-type eighth-grade syndrome cases is arguably the worst of all subculture cases. Typical symptoms of such a case include, but are not limited to

• claiming to know Japanese, when in fact, the sufferer knows only a few phrases, and is unable to use them properly;
• attending gatherings called “conventions” with other rabid and/or flaming cases, often dressed in unusual or inappropriate clothing in public prior to entrance into the venue, where social ineptitude and behavior acceptable nowhere run rampant;
• a belief that anime is about cultural enrichment rather than entertainment, often including the idea that the translation of the medium is purposed for learning the language;
• a belief that the purpose of a translation is to convert words to words, rather than experiences to experiences, which may mean localizing (because the perception of artistic effect falls under “experience”) literary devices, imagery, symbolism, humor, and other aspects of writing;
• insisting that elements of the Japanese language are never translatable, when in most cases they are, often with creative manipulation and naturalization of language (sometimes known as “editing”);
• a belief that one of the salient features of the Japanese language known as “honorifics” consists only of suffixes applied to names, despite the existence of several classes of honorifics pertaining to, for instance, verb conjugation, as well as “antihonorifics”;
• insisting that honorifics be left in translations, complaining when the name-suffix class of honorifics is omitted, but never complaining when other classes of honorifics are omitted;
• and a blind devotion to one or several “fansub groups” reminiscent of religious fanaticism, to the extent of verbally abusing other “fansub groups” despite having no reason to abuse them other than to reinforce the “validity” of the aforementioned blind devotion.

It is clear from the aforementioned sampling of symptoms that this subclass is exceedingly difficult both to handle and to appease, as they harbor seemingly endless flaws and fallacies, which are reinforced by the subcultural community and their eighth-grade syndrome itself.

Several of these symptoms will be discussed in the following subsections.

A  Translation

The purpose of a translation is to provide those who do not speak a language an equivalent or near-equivalent experience as one who does, that is, provide accessibility to the material. It is not the words, but the effect of the words on the mind, that is, the ideas behind them, which are of value. The translator must determine, for instance, themes, message, structure, style, voice, tone, and nuance, and based on these factors arrive at a decision on how to translate the source into the target language. To this end, it is often necessary to be interpretive and fill or omit details which are important or unimportant.

A translation is not a means of teaching the source language, but a means of providing accessibility. Because the purpose is to provide accessibility to those who do not speak the language, the resulting translation must be fully understandable without reference to terms in the source language. The inclusion of terms from the source language which can be translated or omitted for the substitution of natural structure or tone limits the accessibility to the material, and is thus lacking as a translation. The purpose of translation notes is to provide information about the context (such as historical or political details) of the material, and thus they are not acceptable for explaining terms or humor from the source language.

The translation must be one of ideas; if a word-to-word translation and transliteration were sufficient to deliver the full effect of a work on the mind, there would be no need for human translators—machine translation would be sufficient. The limitations of such translations are assumed known to the reader.

The above standards for translation have been broken and abused repeatedly in “fansubbing” and are typically spurned by those belonging to the class of eighth-grade syndrome sufferers under discussion.

B  Honorifics

Extensive use of honorifics is one of the salient features of the Japanese language. An honorific is a morpheme which contributes an emotive definite description independent of the propositional content of a clause. Several classes of honorifics exist, from “performative honorification,” which affects verb conjugation, to noun prefixes.

Honorifics are so prevalent in the Japanese language that they may be viewed as contributing to the tone of speech. They are a very natural part of the language, and the experience derived from their perception is no more than noting the tone of speech. As such, they are fully translated by appropriate selection of tone and quirks in the target language.

In the interest of time, only honorifics of verb conjugation will be discussed in this section. Furthermore, only two common morphemes will be presented here as examples, masu and chimau. Masu is an honorific morpheme indicating respect for the listener. Chimau is an antihonorific morpheme indicating contempt or disapproval for an action.

To see why it is unreasonable to include honorifics in verb conjugation, first consider the following two sentences:

1. Mary-ga ringo-o tabe-mashi-ta.
   Mary-NOM apple-ACC eat-perf.hon-PAST
   • Mary ate the apple.
   • I am speaking in a respectful tone.
2. Mary-ga ringo-o tabe-chimat-ta.
   Mary-NOM apple-ACC eat-antihon-PAST
   • Mary ate the apple.
   • I disapprove of Mary’s eating the apple.

Second, consider as well two typical translations for these two sentences:

1. Mary ate the apple.
2. Mary freaking ate the apple.

Finally, consider including the honorific and antihonorific in the translation:

1. Mary ate-mashita the apple.
2. Mary ate-chimatta the apple.

The inclusion of the honorific is both unnatural and incomprehensible to native English and Japanese speakers alike. It is thus natural not to include the honorific.

Similarly, the name-suffix class of honorifics is both unnatural and incomprehensible to native English speakers who do not speak Japanese, and it is thus natural and accesible—note the goals of translation—to omit the name-suffix honorific or substitute an equivalent English form as appropriate.

C  Concluding Thoughts on Such Cases

It is clear that the subclass of eighth-grade syndrome sufferers known as international anime fans, particularly those who watch “fansubs,” is one of the most difficult to handle; those who interact with these sufferers often consider them unbearable.

Their unbearability can be traced to their beliefs, which are flawed and fallacious without bound. These beliefs stem partially from a search for identity, especially cultural identity, and a desire to be associated with a community with “clandestine” habits and practices. The obsession with honorifics despite poor understanding of what honorifics actually are can be traced both to imitation of others within the subculture and to the placement of undue emphasis to things of little consequence, such as minor verbal connotations.

Due to the malignant effects of the symptoms of this subclass of eighth-grade syndrome on both the sufferer and his or her surrounding community, it is the opinion of the author that such cases require treatment of some form. No other class or subclass requires such treatment as they are, typically, harmless and sometimes even beneficial to both the sufferer and the world at large, whereas international anime fans, particularly those who watch “fansubs,” can only cause harm. Research is necessary to determine courses of treatment for this subclass of eighth-grade syndrome cases.

The Causes and Effects of Eighth-Grade Syndrome Throughout History by fotc is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Research was funded in part by FFF Fansubs.

A pile of delicious pasta.

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The Causes and Effects of Eighth-Grade Syndrome Throughout History

fotc (Mazui Subs, Unlimited Translation Works)

8  Section Title

A proper article will be published next week.

The Causes and Effects of Eighth-Grade Syndrome Throughout History by fotc is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Research was funded in part by FFF Fansubs.

This is how I feel when you people don’t just miss a reference,
but decide that it’s a reference to something else.

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I speak of the Providence of Love.

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The Causes and Effects of Eighth-Grade Syndrome Throughout History

fotc (Mazui Subs, Unlimited Translation Works)

7  Section Title

Deadline missed.

The Causes and Effects of Eighth-Grade Syndrome Throughout History by fotc is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Research was funded in part by FFF Fansubs.

Impossible!

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The Causes and Effects of Eighth-Grade Syndrome Throughout History

fotc (Mazui Subs, Unlimited Translation Works)

Errata

Section 5 describes the evolution of eighth-grade syndrome cases from trigger to trigger. The key point is that sufferers proceed through a series of triggers, adapting their case to assimilate each subsequent trigger. For a supernatural power-type case, the real world is typically one of these triggers, and so their imaginary world typically contains fragments of the real world.

For the remaining sections of this article, various historical and cultural phenomena will be named as results of eighth-grade syndrome.

6  The Voynich Manuscript

The Voynich Manuscript is an illustrated hand-written text in an unknown writing system of approximately 20 to 30 glyphs dating back to the fifteenth century. All attempts to decode the text have failed. The text is divided into six sections, each expounding on (supposedly, based on illustrations) different aspects of the (or a) world. Of particular interest in this article are the “herbal” section, which depicts various plants, each with a set of notes, and the “cosmological” section, which contains circular diagrams which depict a universal organization.

Few of the plants in the herbal section are identifiable with any certainty. Many are unidentifiable as any known species, and some are chimaeric of existing species. The organization of the herbal section is similar to professional herbals of the time. The cosmology does not correspond to any known cosmologies.

The origins and purpose of the text remains a mystery. All theories have supporters and refuters, and all fail to provide a satisfying explanation of the text. This text may be explained, however, in terms of eighth-grade syndrome, and this will be done in this article. In this light, the Voynich Manuscript is the product of a supernatural power-type case of eighth-grade syndrome dating back to the fifteenth century.

The text describes the world of the sufferer, which is constructed partially using various elements of the known world. Most plants in the herbal section do not correspond to known species because they are not of this world, but the sufferer’s imaginary world. Similarly, the cosmological section describes the cosmology of the sufferer’s imaginary world.

The writing system has yet to be decoded because it is a writing system invented by the sufferer (a common occurrence). It may or may not correspond to any known language; however, judging from the strangeness of many writing systems and grammars developed by modern-day sufferers, decoding may require considerable effort.

In the interest of time, any further expansion on this topic will be performed in the final version of this article.

The Causes and Effects of Eighth-Grade Syndrome Throughout History by fotc is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Research was funded in part by FFF Fansubs.